Adultery, fornication, sexual perversion–why does the Bible mention different kinds of sexual sins? I think a good reason the Bible gets so specific is because we often look for loopholes when it comes to doing what we want to do.
No sex outside of or after marriage is the same as no sex before marriage. It’s wrong. The Bible tells the truth regardless of cultural trends and the Bible also calls sex outside of marriage rape. It’s theft. It’s betrayal. It is an act of violence which is a violation. It doesn’t matter when the marriage occurs, the fact still remains that those who are to marry belong to someone and that someone belongs to the one who is to join that person in marriage, and it is best to remain uncorrupted and faithful to your future someone until you marry one another. Whether a person engages in sexual activity with no intentions of marrying the other person or has sex with the person with whom the person intends to marry, the answer is still no. How many women have believed that a man had the intentions of marrying them but never did? To protect oneself from this kind of deception, wait. From what I’ve learned from men is that they understand respect and if a woman would respect herself more and not give a man more than what he deserves, he will be able to respect her. Don’t worship any man, placing him above God and God’s word. Having sex with a man with the intentions of getting him to want to love and marry you just looks like manipulation and it is.
The effects of sexual sin are the same. Not good. Memories of past lovers are hard to erase and when difficulties arise, those memories can permeate the mind and give life to destructive fantasies which cause problems in new relationships. Baggage! Part of the reason some suffer from performance anxiety is the real or the perceived existence of competition and comparison of past lovers. No matter how the actual events happened, it’s the imaged happenings that destroy trust and intimacy and casual sex before marriage as well as after destroys trust.
There’s a very good and practical reason not to have sex before marriage and there’s an equally good and practical reason to talk about sex before marriage. We talk about cars and houses and sometimes we talk seriously about whether we want to have kids but are we willing to have an adult conversation about what we prefer in the bedroom? Being able to discuss your desires, your apprehensions, your willingness to explore in certain areas is better than pretending either to be a novice or an expert. Mutual openness and honesty can build trust. You can get yourself into a situation that will be tiring, trying, if not plain old degrading if you don’t have communication about everything in this area. Clear up perceptions and preconceived notions. Keep the marriage bed pure.
2 Samuel 13:
12“No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. 13What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.” 14But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
15Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
It’s been my experience that engaging in sexual activity before marriage gives you a false sense that the situation will inevitably end in marriage, that there needn’t be any discussion about anything important because the deal has already been done. Some ladies, especially, imagine that sex will somehow send an electric charge to the right man’s heart and he will fall madly in love and forget about all the important compatibility issues or the simple fact that a girl who sleeps with a man before she is sure he is committed, before she gets the security she really desires is just aimlessly throwing herself at any and everything. She’s fishing. It used to be that men wanted to marry. The goal of most if not every man was to get married because that was the only way he was going to be able to have sex with someone who wasn’t a professional. Why did this change? Women became more promiscuous and they don’t even demand payment for services rendered. All that’s needed these days is a look and maybe a drink. Women have no standards and they think they’re winning at some I-can-do-it-all-without-you competition. Women do not respect themselves and yet they imagine that men can be manipulated into giving their hearts to them. We women cannot love like men do. We can’t beat them at their game. Men have the ability or the skill of compartmentalizing. Women are often categorized. Once a woman starts to have sex with a man, she gets attached and her desperation to cover up her sin becomes more apparent. She is not so willing to discuss the heavier topics but she will push for marriage no matter what the costs are which often results in her losing what he represents to her in the way of leadership, guidance, comfort, companionship, partnership, friendship, acceptance, and emotional security. She loses all of what she hopes to gain through him altogether.