God owes no one because no can earn salvation or love and he is kind and merciful because he is God. No one can give him anything and he’s not dependent on us or anyone else. That is the order of things. This is how God designed things so that they work properly. There is order and then there’s chaos. Love comes from above and the proper response to love is respect and gratitude. If there is some kind of payment or if gain is sought, what seems like love becomes something else. If something is expected in return, then the giver’s motives are impure. Love gives and does not seek to gain. It does not give in order to get. All that can be expected is respect and gratitude. That is the proper attitude of the receiver of love. There is choice on both sides in the exchange. The lover chooses freely to love and the beloved chooses to accept or reject but it is also done freely. There is no force. And He says, if you want to be the head, you must sacrifice. You must serve. If you want. We know this from our relationships in our families. Husbands love their wives, wives show respect out of gratitude and wives (and fathers) love their children and children show respect of gratitude. And then it is also said that this is a choice. If you desire to marry you must do these things. if the order gets out of order you can see the results in the reactions, in the lack of gratitude, respect and love. Dysfunction results from disorder. No one argues that sugar does not belong in a fuel tank of a car, much less, wood finish and likewise no one should argue with God’s advice on the proper workings of his design.

God is relational and his truth is best reflected in the relationship between man and wife when a man cares for his bride, not demanding in any way that she be made to earn his love.If she is not familiar with love, she will have a desire to be loved but will not know how it works. She will think that she needs to find someone to love so that he can love her. That’s earning love which is not possible. If she thinks she can earn it, she will think he owes her. That’s not love. That’s dysfunction. She will sacrifice herself and her self respect in order to earn what can’t be earned. The husband gives and provides much like a father should because he chooses to love. When a man chooses to become a father and when a man chooses to become a husband, he chooses to love. It has to be his free will, his choice. If a daughter or a wife has to earn what she gets, that’s not love, that is a wage and then she has made herself like an orphan and a prostitute in a sense. If you were to give your child a gift and that child felt as if he had to earn the gift, the dynamics of the relationship would change. The gift would no longer be a gift. Parents provide for their children without cost because they love their children and they chose to have them and their love flows down to their children. And children are to respond with respect and gratitude. Deviations from the design is dysfunction.

Having to earn love results in a developed insecurity about having to prove individual worthiness in order to receive love. That insecurity confuses the proper order and love does not fulfill that desire to be accepted. Love fulfills deep emotional, pstchological and physical needs. Love is a choice. It is unconditional and does not depend on any reaction or respond but a grateful receiver will respond properly. An improper response to love is entitlement. Love cannot come from a sense of obligation in exchange for services rendered. That is an entitlement. That is debt and love cannot be a debt. The debt we owe for love is respect and gratitude and thanks. Knowing this comes from acknowledging that we are not entitled to anything. Admitting to the reality of who we are sets the record straight and puts our attitudes in check. The reason why we don’t earn love is because love would otherwise not be able to love us, the unworthy, the unloveable.

While we were yet sinners, Christ loved us and gave himself for us because we needed him to do something we could never do. Women need husbands who are willing to do the same. Men are made differently and women need their love. It may sound offensive to some because it hurts their pride but oh well. It is what it is. If we could save ourselves, if babies could come out taking care of themselves, if we had the ability to make ourselves perfect, we would not need love. If we were so worthy and were able to earn love, love would not be a big deal and we would have no reason to be grateful. We all have a lot to be grateful for. The God of the universe, Creator of all things loves us not because we are righteous and worthy or entitled but because he just does. This is hard to wrap your brain around if you grew up with human parents who weren’t God and who made mistakes. We should be a little familiar with the concept through childbearing. I guess that’s what that verse means–“women will be saved through childbirth.” Love is easier to understand when you have to love.

We wouldn’t need to show respect if we didn’t need love or had to earn it. Love would not be a sacrifice. Wives cannot initiate love relationships with husbands because we did not initiate the relationship between us and God. Love has an order of operation and it flows down. Women love their children and respect their husbands. They cannot love their husbands the way they love their children but pride will tell them that they can and what results is dysfunction. Let’s just say that no man wants to love his wife like he loves his mother and no mother should love her husband like she loves her son and of course vice versa. I’ve seen this type of dysfunction where a wife and mother treats her son as if he was her husband and her husband she treats as if he were her son. She doesn’t get love she desires from her husband and her son is already bound to his mother in an unhealthy intimate (hopefully without sex) and cannot connect with his wife properly. Women cannot do things for men and offer their bodies (sex) as a sacrifice to earn love because Christ was the one who offered himself as a righteous and holy and pure sacrifice out of love to save us. Women cannot save men without making them feel like little boys and men cannot be heroes if they are still being cared for by their mothers. Boys grow up hopefully watching their fathers love their mothers and hope to find a woman they can themselves love, a woman who will respect them the way their mother has respected their father. Women accept the gift of love with thanks and respect because no man is obligated to love any woman and they understand that. Jesus said for wives to respect their own husbands. Their loyalties don’t need to be divided. Pride lies and says that we are worth it and every man should be interested. No, that’s the beauty of love. We can never be worthy, so it’s nice that with love we don’t have to be.